Stop saying "judgy"





 Me being "judgy" because I spend 17 hours a day sitting zazen.

JUDGE: To regard something as good or bad.

You know what? Being able to tell the difference between good and bad is a positive thing.

Synonyms of JUDGEMENTAL include: critical, censorious, disapproving, disparaging, overcritical...so, that's not so great.

Who made you an authority? Well, no one. But unless you have chosen to remain utterly neutral, to have no sense of kindness or cruelty, don't care about children, old people, animals, and the environment, you'd better step up to the plate. Yes, if you see someone yelling at a confused old person at Walgreens and they are clearly losing their shit, intervene with something soothing yet effective like, "Do you need help?" Who cares if they think you work at Walgreens? Would it kill you to impersonate a low wage worker? This is not "judgy" the new favorite word of people who believe utter obliviousness is their constitutional right. Hey, I get it. I lived in Abu Dhabi for a few months where Good Samaritans are frequently arrested for trying to help someone victimized by an Emirate driving at 100 MPH whose Lamborgini has been dented. I was nearly arrested for pointing out the horrible conditions for the guest workers who weren't Westerners.

Well, this isn't the UAE and we are all equal so maybe consider doing something.

Today in the gym locker room I overheard the following conversation.

Woman #1-Are you pumping?
Woman#2-God yes. All the time. I make so much milk, it's ridiculous!
Woman #1-Best for baby, right?
#2-Yes! I mean, I know he'll never have allergies or be a criminal and he's definitely going to be a genius.
#1-Absolutely. My children were never sick.
#2-My four year old is immune to everything.
#1-Breast feeding is just natural.
#2-Yes, yes it is. Mother who don't are missing so much.

Me-Hey, not to jump in but you understand some women can't breastfeed and if a woman who couldn't breast feed overheard this conversation she would probably feel terrible. My son wouldn't breast feed and I was devastated. I had to have someone help me understand it was about feeding the baby not my breasts. Anyway, I'm sure you meant well.

They didn't mean well.  Also, I'm pretty sure they thought I was an interfering bag.

Walking upstairs I thought to myself, should I have kept quiet? Well, maybe but you know what? That's not how I was taught. I was taught to try and make the world a better place. My mother complained to a manager when the pregnant cashier had no chair, my sister protested the Vietnam war in high school, my father did everything in his power to get a radical African-American Professor tenure because it was the right thing to do.

It isn't "judgy" to tell someone you don't like their behavior. And by the way, judgy isn't even a word. Stop using it. Put it in the same place as impactful. And yes, my family was extremely judgemental.




Comments

  1. My coach, Bill Flynn, says "everyone judges, all the time." By that, he means that everyone has opinions, all the time. I judge that this is an excellent blog post, Molly.

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