Judgemental people drive me crazy. Recently I've comforted a number of new mothers who have been made to feel like failures because they opted to receive pain killers during labor or they don't like breast feeding or don't resemble Heidi Klum who apparently can give birth and then model underwear the following week. I wonder how or why certain individuals believe they have the formula for how to behave. Also, don't mothers realize they are in it for the long run? Forget about your "warrior" labor or lack of n epidural. Wait a few years when you're lying in bed trying to stem the panic as your kid violates curfew. Wait a few years for the first time your kid looks at you with undisguised contempt and asks you to stop singing because it hurts their ears or tells you they don't want to open the little box thingies on the Advent calender or search for eggs or blow out their candles because they no longer want to be viewed as a child. Will you judge them, shame them, quote experts that inform them they are flawed because they want something different?
Judgmental people are narcissists which makes them bad parents and lousy friends. Instead of thinking of other people they constantly evaluate them based on their own beliefs. What will they do when their teenagers start to question them, try drugs and alcohol, make poor choices, reject their precious judgements? I have seen those kind of parents from years of teaching high school and what they do is one of two things, either they grow up and stop believing every idea they have is true or they alienate and stifle their teenagers until those kids either act out in retaliation or simply stop trusting their parents because of their narrow mindedness. It's easy to boss around a toddler and make statements about new mothers choices. This is a vulnerable population. But if you try and shame and judge a teenager that teenager will cut you off. When my son tells me things I consider completely ridiculous I try to pause before rushing in and ruining his attempts at self-definition. He has a right to his wild ideas. I want him to keep talking to me. I might learn something. Imagine that!